I don't know what I expected; that I would show up and he'd just be happy to have me back and we would be together? That I wouldn't just be here not even sure what I feel. The only feeling I know for sure is guilt, made worse when I see his face and the pain in his eyes. He doesn't know I'm awake, that I know he's there.
He stands there for a moment before walking away. I wish I could know what he's thinking.
Adam - Don't try and act like you're any better than the rest of us, you're one of us.
I slap him, hard. It feels really good to be on the other end of the exchange for once.
Me - Don't you dare compare me to you.
Adam - I've done bad things, but so have you, things I haven't. I wasn't with them when they brought you here.
Adam - Yet you bring us her.
He gestures at the lock down cell and at Laura, my replacement.
Me - Why...why are you like this? No one's born a monster.
Me- What makes someone end up like you?
Adam - You don't wanna know.
With that he walks up and I follow, catching him just outside of his room.
Me - I asked a question clearly I do want to know.
He sighs, turning to face me.
Adam - Alright. Give me your hand.
I look at him suspiciously.
Adam - I'm not going to hurt you, if I were going to try anything, I wouldn't ask.
He rolled his eyes after a moment and sighed softly when I still don't reply.
Adam - I swear on my mother, wherever she may be...
I finally hold out my hand, his grip is surprisingly gentle as takes it before pressing my fingers to his wrist hard enough to feel the bone and moving up along his arm. My face twisted in confusion and I look up at him feeling something.
Adam - The bone is different there, I know. That's one of many breaks there were never properly set.
I pull my hand away, silently.
Adam - My fathers doing.
Me - A bad life is no excuse for bad behavior, to be no better then the person who made it that way for you.
Adam - This may surprise you, but I agree. Events change people, other people change people, but despite what most people think we don't change ourselves, we are who we are. I had always had a hard life but I wasn't always...this.
I can't believe my ears, the tone of self loathing and disgust in his voice.
Me - So you were knocked you around by your father. It's no excuse.
Adam - I know, I agree.
Me - Then why are you telling me this? Do you think it changes anything?
Adam - You asked, remember? You want to know what makes me someone like me, I can't tell you anyone's story but my own. My mother left when I was two. I don't blame her, she had to get away from him, and she would have taken me if she could. I was a good kid, I did everything to try to please him. . It didn't make any difference though, not even my perfect grades. I was an overachiever in school, my even earned a slot in Weston Academy.
Me - Weston Academy? You're from Weston Valley?
Weston Academy for Boys was the counterpart of my school Weston Preparatory School for Girls.
He laughs, and it's not his usual laugh, heartless and often made at someone else's expense, but a true, genuine laugh.
Adam - Yes.
Me - Alright then, if you were such a good kid, which I find hard to believe, then what changed?
Adam - A week after I turned fourteen, I started volunteering at the hospital, it kept out of the house, away from him, and I was able to do some good at the same time. The first day I met this patient who had supposedly fallen off a bike and landed badly, breaking her arm. I could tell though that that wasn't true, having used the same story myself. Her name was Kiara and we became fast friends. She was twelve when we met, a year and two weeks younger than me, oddly enough we met the week between our birthdays. Her father hurt her too, but he was an alcoholic and would hit her when drunk, but then he would feel bad about it later...so he'd try to drink away his guilt. A vicious cycle really, but she got out. She was put with a foster family while her father was forced into rehab. We were a couple by then and I thought she was lucky at the time but she wasn't. Her foster family was awful, they wanted to change her, act like her past didn't exist, and I was part of that past.
Me - I feel for her. So her foster parents kept you apart. Is that it? Everything you went though before and that made you snap or something?
Adam - Yes, no, it wasn't so much that they separated us but how. It was years later, her father never managed to stay sober long enough to get her back. She called me and had me come over. She was crying; she told me they had made her dye her hair. "They're trying to erase me," she said.
Me - That's awful. I really feel bad for her. What about you?
Adam - I'm getting to that.
He snapped, is voice suddenly took on the harsher tone I was used to.
Adam - I don't like talking about any of this, especially with you.
Me - And what's that supposed to mean?
Adam - As if you would want to talk to if our me roles reversed?
Me - I told you before, never compare me to you. I have every reason not to want to talk to want to talk to you, you have nothing. Go on.
Adam - I'd always hated seeing her hurt even before we were together. I held and comforted her and...
He sighs, trying to gather his thoughts and chose his words.
I just nod, it's obvious where it's headed and he's right this is not a subject I want to talk to him about, but it seems he might finally be about to actually answer my question.
Adam - They found us. It wasn't even supposed to happen. We had been together before but...
I give him a confused look.
Adam - It was the week between our birthdays again, I had just turned eighteen, but she was still sixteen.
Me - Oh...
Adam - We'd been together for three years.
Me - I can't believe I'm saying this, but it wasn't your fault. You clearly loved her.
Adam - Very much, I still do and I always will, even though I know I'll never see her again...To be honest, I don't know if I want to, I don't...
His voice cracks, I didn't believe he was capable of such emotion.
Me - You don't want her to see what you've become.
He looks at me for a moment and I know I'm right.
Turner comes to my room again, this is the third night he's come in and stood there,watching me. What is he thinking? I wonder as he turns to leave.
Me - Don't go.
He stops and looks over his shoulder.
Turner - You're awake?
I nod though I'm not sure if he can see me.
Me - Don't go.
Me - Please.